Sin is a funny thing. As a child I understood it to be the thing I did that made my momma yell, my dad hit. As I grew older I learned sin was the thing God hated. I concluded that God hated me. As a teen sin became the thing I avoided. Rules became an obsession. Sin was a thing to shun. I called others on their sin. But my sin? In my mind, it did not exist.
As an adult I began to understand that sin was subtle. It had consequences and it could harm. But I never did *GET* why sin was sin and why I should avoid it.
Until, I began to see my sin. It wasn’t the moments of forgetfulness that plague me. Nor the times that I reacted to situations that threatened my overwhelm. No. It was more subtle than that.
Sin is internal. It robs the soul of peace. It tells the lie that I am not loved. It separates my heart from the ones I love. It builds a canyon between the depths of my soul and the depths of my God. Sin is that small quiet voice telling me, “God does not love me.”
For me, sin is the coping mechanism I developed as a child.
The problem with coping mechanisms is they are subtle. They appear good. They protect you from that which can harm you. Yes they keep you safe. But that safety comes at a price.
So…the time has come. To accept that what should be is not what is. To embrace the reality of the world around me. To accept the sin in my life and give it to Him. To expose the darkness within by his overwhelming light.
I thought hiding from my pain would keep me safe. The problem is I believed the lie and hid from the one who can keep me SAFE.